Funny Moments of Doctors during their shift

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one? ” I asked. “The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six ours and now I’m running out of places to put It!” I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How long have you been bedridden?” After a look of complete confusion She answered…”Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive.”
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, “Keep off the grass.” Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”
Submitted by RN no name

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?”
She replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, ‘I wish I was an Oscar MeyerWiener’!”.
Dr. wouldn’t submit his name

What’s it like to perform surgery for the very first time?

Sure you’ll know what you’re doing and had plenty of practice on things that aren’t people. Sure you’ve watched others doing it. But what’s it like the very first time you cut somebody open to make them healthy? Is there extra fear of messing it up? Were you fairly confident?

(This question was originally posted on Quora, and below is a selection of the best relevant answers.)

Answers:

Robert Gluck

You’re one year old and taking your first steps. Your mom holds your hand as you waddle along with your little padded tush and she let’s go. You’re walking! Yeah! It’s all heavily scripted but what do you know? Mom makes sure that you’re well protected. No stairs. No sharp corners. You fall, you get up.

Training as a surgeon, the first few times you think you’re flying on your own…hopefully you’re not. But, what about that very first time when you’re really flying solo? On the other side of the blade, the scalpel, the lancet, the knife…on the receiving end of your services, is someone you were talking to a bit earlier. Or maybe it was their family. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s an emergency and you’ve never even met! One way or another, on the other side of the knife is someone who feels, who dreams, who lives a life. Someone with a past, a present, and a future that you will help shape…or un-shape. Someone who trusts. You.

They trust you. To get it right. To do your best. And maybe your mom’s not around. Or…you are the mom. And there’s no one else to ask. The buck stops here? So, through your exhilaration, your apprehension, your fear, you need to focus…your life depends on it. Well, as it so happens, not your life. Their life! Their pleasure, their pain, their existence. You deal. You are the house. Focus. Plan. Stay a step or two ahead. Biological systems are complex. Shit happens. Shit like unexpected bleeding. Like weird anatomy. Like infection. And later…Scarring. Recurrence. Metasteses. Wet and dirty bandages. Bandages that fall off. Are too tight. Patients who don’t listen. Patients who are scared and in pain. Your first surgery doesn’t begin and end in the OR. But for now…stay focused…cut sharp and think sharp!

Laszlo B. Tamas, Neurosurgeon with ties to the Bay area and Silicon Valley.

Memory is a filter, and I think mine is more of a filter than most. Frankly, I don’t remember my first surgery as an event. I remember trepidation, clumsiness, slowness, having to think about every step, and sometimes impatience and even hostility from the supervising surgeon.

And since then, a slow, steady growth in ability, understanding, of conscious movement becoming subconscious, of befriending margins without passing them to normal brain, of having an intuitive “feel” for the brain, gray and white matter (subtle), arteries, veins, arterialized veins, and now no longer having any anxiety about cases except for the most unusual and risky. And, looking back at the “surgeon” of 20 years ago, recognizing what a dolt I was! (and maybe not being so hard on the other young dolts I come across). Read all the answers here.

Average salaries for physicians depending on their specialty

According to the American medical group association “AMGA” report in 2006 this is a list of average salaries for physicians in USA. This list may help you if you are medical student or young doctor so you can choose the most suitable specialty for your capabilities and needs.

Orthopedic Surgery – Spine : $688,503

Orthopedic Surgery – Joint Replacement : $605,953

Neurological Surgery : $592,811

Cardiac & Thoracic Surgery : $533,084

Orthopedic Surgery : $500,672

Diagnostic Radiology – Interventional : $478,000

Orthopedic Surgery – Hand : $476,039

Transplant Surgery – Liver : $454,287

Diagnostic Radiology – Non-Interventional : $454,205

Radiation Therapy (M.D. only) : $447,250

Orthopedic Surgery – Pediatrics : $425,000

Trauma Surgery : $424,555

Pediatric Surgery : $419,783

Urology : $413,941

Vascular Surgery : $413,629

Gynecological Oncology : $413,500

Gastroenterology : $405,000

Cardiology : $402,000

Colon & Rectal Surgery : $394,723

Perinatology : $394,121

Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery : $390,142

Oral Surgery : $380,500

Dermatology : $375,176

Anesthesiology : $370,500

Otolaryngology : $368,777

Transplant Surgery – Kidney : $365,125

General Surgery : $357,091

Pathology (M.D. only) : $354,750

Nuclear Medicine (M.D. only) : $331,000

Hematology & Medical Oncology : $320,907

Reproductive Endocrinology : $317,312

Intensivist : $313,152

Pulmonary Disease : $306,829

Orthopedic-Medical : $297,348

Neonatology : $280,771

Gynecology & Obstetrics : $275,152

Obstetrics : $275,152

Pediatric Intensive Care : $272,000

Emergency Care : $267,293

Critical Care Medicine : $264,750

Hypertension & Nephrology : $259,677

Allergy & Immunology : $249,674

Pediatric Gastroenterology : $240,895

Ophthalmology : $238,200

Physical Medicine & Rehabilitation : $237,628

Neurology : $236,500

Pediatric Cardiology : $233,958

Gynecology : $232,075

Sports Medicine : $231,540

Infectious Disease : $227,750

Rheumatologic Disease : $224,000

Occupational / Environmental Medicine : $223,750

Urgent Care : $222,920

Pediatric Neurology : $219,561

Endocrinology : $218,855

Psychiatry – Child : $216,360

Hospitalist : $215,716

Psychiatry : $214,740

Internal Medicine : $214,307

Pediatric Hematology / Oncology : $212,577

Pediatrics & Adolescent : $209,873

Pediatric Infectious Disease : $209,680

Family Medicine – with Obstetrics : $209,565

Family Medicine : $208,861

Pediatric Pulmonary Disease : $201,841

Pediatric Nephrology : $198,686

Pediatric Allergy : $198,458

Pediatric Endocrinology : $187,957

Geriatrics : $187,602

Photo credit: People image created by Kues1 – Freepik.com

Which is the best country to work in as a doctor?

This question was posted in Quora by Liang-Hai Sie
These are just a few thought where people say it’s difficult or good to work as a doctor.
The not so good stories are from:
-Eastern Europe: for most the pay is low, so many are unsatisfied
-Italy: most medical specialist aren’t paid so well
-UK: loss of control how to manage one’s practice is said to lead to a lot of burn-out?
-Germany: working hours are long, secondary job benefits are less than e.g. in The Netherlands
-SE Asia: in the more developed countries working hours are long, income is good, social standing good.  I think in the poorer countries all is a lot less.
-China: pay is not good, long working hours.


This is from a survey on burn-out in Chinese vs US physicians:
It is manageable and I’m not making any changes (36% vs 25%)
It is manageable but I need to make some changes in hours/workload/etc. (52.2% vs 62%)
I am thinking of leaving my current position (7.3% vs 7%)
I am thinking of leaving medicine altogether (4.5% vd 5%)

Financial position Chinese vd US physicians:

At present still OK:

-Scandinavian countries: working hours were quite OK, income relatively low, but one could have a good private life.  No problems with people unable to afford their essential medical care.
-The Netherlands: at present income and working conditions are still OK, but docs are losing more and more income and their say about how their practice are organized. Universal health care, people are mandatory insured for essential health care.
-USA??  Income if not a primary care physician is quite alright, high student loans, the threat of being sued, but all in all docs and partners are quite satisfied.

From:  Medscape: Medscape Access
Physician Lifestyles — Linking to Burnout: A Medscape Survey


As for partner satisfaction, as long you have more than two hours of face time a day, is high: 70%  See Elsevier The Medical Marriage: A National Survey of the Spouses/Partners of US Physicians (unfortunately at present only accessible to subscribers or if you pay for access)

How Smart are Medical Doctors?

OK, I know that’s a slightly contentious phrasing of the question 😉

I mean, is being a medical doctor an intellectually demanding job?

Traditionally this is obviously true. Doctors have had to spend years learning a lot of information (about the body and its symptoms) and spent those years in education surrounded by other clever and ambitious people.

Now that more of this information can be looked up in databases, more diagnoses rely on automated equipment (driven by radiographers etc.) and more treatments depend on prescribing a course of drugs designed elsewhere (by pharmaceutical researchers) does doctoring still have the same profile? Or is it more about interpersonal skills (bedside manner, reassurance). Is being a good doctor becoming more like being a good nurse?

This question was posted on Quora  and answered by Liang-Hai Sie 

Let me answer as a retired doc who had had 40 years of experience with clinical (not research) work as a doc, for decades also working with a lot of young bright eyed docs who were part of our house staff.

Those who have graduated as a MD at least have a IQ of 120 to 130, so you need some intelligence, but need not be a genius.

As for the junior doctors, those having graduated with honors are often so occupied doing everything so perfect that they lose sight of the practical way of running things, so aren’t finished until late in the evening often 10pm which can’t be good, the less brilliant colleagues usually finish between 5 and 7 pm, so are better able at not spending lots of time by trying to be perfect.
I would gladly take a smart enough but not brilliant practical doc to work with me or be my partner.
EDIT:
having a lot of information on the web doesn’t mean a doctor needs no knowledge at all.  To look something up (where can one find useful information, what information does one need etc.) one will need basic knowledge, a lot of information at your fingertip, imagine having to look up everything on every patient, won’t work, and won’t inspire any confidence either.  The art of practicing medicine fortunately is not just following a recipe.

and by Emily Altman

In order to order all those tests that supposedly tell doctors all the answers, you have to have at least a differential diagnosis of what possible illness or condition the patient may have.  That means you have to know how to examine the patient and know what factors are important in the medical history/family history and review of systems.  Then having ordered tests (if necessary, because a doctor may know what the problem is without needing tests or equipment) you have to put the information together to come up with a diagnosis, determine what treatments would benefit the patient and then administer those treatments.

The ability to learn and synthesize learned information (if we can define smart by those terms) is tested many times along the way from high school to post-residency/fellowship MD.  So, yes, we do have objective proof that doctors (and I am proud to be one) are smart.

Doctors are the proverbial sight for the three blind men and an elephant that you are proposing with pharmaceutical researchers and automated programs and devices. That’s because they know how to put information together and not base their judgments and decisions only from the standpoint of a pharmaceutical researcher or an MRI machine.

Nurses do know a lot about diseases and how to take care of patients, but their education and training is not geared towards diagnosis and proposing a treatment as much as patient observation and administering the treatments.  And I might add I learned tons from nurses, especially as an intern in the ICU with experienced, smart nurses who knew exactly what they were doing and were a tremendous asset.

As for programs and devices, just remember the GIGO Law.  It’s truly garbage in garbage out.  If you give a program random facts about a patient, it will come up with a list of possibilities, but it cannot decide what the problem is.

Photo credits Technology image created by Creativeart – Freepik.com